Today's the day, today's the day, today's the day.
It it still early, I have not yet begun to waste the day in earnest. Only here and there, in small ways. I am still naked in my living room, typing, smoking cigarettes--but it is still early.
Jody left this morning, a few hours ago, a trip back home to the wild west for her high school reunion. Apartment to myself for four days, I get to play house with my two incompatible boys.
Just me and the monster today, until I head out in search of worthwhile(?) employment. I need to clean his room, my own, my car. He keeps chewing on my new feather duster, payback for his bath this morning I assume. He actually bared his little teeth at me, the jerk. The new collar is still too big, so he is stealthy today and bell-less.
Jarrod took me to the aquarium yesterday! Wouldn't stay for the penguin show--initially the entire motivation for going--which was supremely disappointing. He bought me ice cream and promised we would go again some day, but I contented myself with my chocolate cone and knew it wasn't true. I don't know why I can just accept things like that when it comes to him. We went back to the Meathouse and he seemed to want me gone so I gathered my things, only to have him shell-up like he does when I said goodbye. I never know when his signals are mixed or just murky--even after our long year--so I carried on leaving. Before I got too far though, he came out to my car, I'd forgotten my phone. I got it awkwardly out of him that he wanted me to stay, wanted to fuck, wanted to curl up next to me in the afternoon sun and nap.
We did just that.
He lifted my hair up when we were done and lying close and blew on the nape of my neck until I fell asleep. It's the small things.
We woke an hour and a half later and went grocery shopping at the Walmart Neighborhood Grocery in 'the hood'. I mostly just tagged along and did the talking--to him and anyone else it became necessary to speak with. Public places frustrate him. It was a learning experience for us both though. He learned that I pout when I feel useless or hindering, I learned he would rather just do things himself, with me smiling on his arm to distract him from how much he hates things like grocery shopping. It will take time, but I feel more and more like I could make a life with him.
He is serious about me moving in with him. About us finding a place, our place, to live and love and grow. He even caved on letting me keep the monster (in his own room, far away from our bed). I only get nervous that when he leaves he won't take me with him, but I have him now and I will try my best to focus on that. Still, it is hard to plan this future without saying how long it is intended to last. I know he wants to leave the sunshine state and seek his fortune elsewhere, and with that I know he will... But I am left wondering what I'll do when he's gone.
Still, that is a distant bridge to cross. Today is one year together and we're going to Boris at The Social to celebrate. Wouldn't it be nice if I could top it off with telling him I can quit the gas station because I've found another job? Wish me luck.
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