I couldn't even look at him for fear I'd have to say goodbye.

New clothes. Job interview, after job interview, after job interview. Two were door-to-door sales in the sweaty summer heat. I didn't last and wouldn't want to. One was confused about the difference between "hiring" and "accepting applications". I sorted it out for them and they asked me to leave. Despite my recent track record, it seems I'm completely capable of being a bitch. Just never when it benefits me.



We aren't moving in together. It's simple now, and doesn't upset me but when it all came out I was... broken? disappointed? terrified that what I'd been waiting for, had seemed to finally catch and cage and keep was slipping through my fingers again? His roots are slowly coming free of the Florida soil, one by one. Some he pulls, some come willingly. I felt I was one of the largest of the life-giving tendrils keeping him stuck in the sand but it turns out I was wrong. Imagine that. I didn't think he'd leave without me, not now, not after... After what? After all we've been through? We've been through one other's lives, the daily up and down. All of the 'trials and tribulations' that have brought us close have only been us subjecting one another to one another. He says he'll only be gone a month, maybe two. I know that is for now, I know he's going to see people (who is Leigh Ann? Why does she miss him?) and meet people and forge connections he can come back to later when he wants to relocate North.

No one ever became a great tattoo artist sitting in their home town, inking the scumbags and beach bums. I know that, because he told me. The only thing I want more than to see him do this, see his long hours and frustration pay off and his name in the proverbial lights, is to be there with him. Not by his side, I don't expect or even really want to be in the spotlight too. But behind him. Making his life easier. Making the pain he feels at having to deal with people less, making his work art.

I get the feeling I will end up a memory. A fond one, but in the past nonetheless.

He puts his work first. I should do the same and finish school. I know I should. I know I can. I know it will break my heart.


"On Your Shore"--Sarachmet