Natalie. Rapture. Ecstasy, Envy, Anxiety... All the same thing really. Natalie. Good grief.
We kissed!
She left me a note at work. A note on a yellow post-it in a plain white envelope, with a hand-made Colombian bracelet also inside. She said she had thought of me a lot while she way gone and hoped I liked her small gift. No small gift as far as I'm concerned. She thought of me enough while she was away to buy me a present... One might say I swooned.
Then today, two days later, she went again into my store, hoping to see me there. She has no phone so after coming back stateside her best bet was to see me at work, you see. For the second time I wasn't working when she stopped by. Caron though--bless her--gave Natalie her phone with my number dialing! She asked when I called when she might be able, 'to see that beautiful face'. 'You're at the store?' I asked, 'I'll be there in five minutes.'
I got there, she sat on the ledge outside the store, smoking a cigarette and smiling, despite herself it seemed, when I pulled up. We talked for really only a moment before I decided to invite her to a party I knew a friend was having. Her eyes brightened and she hopped in her car to follow me there.
Turns out she knows many of my friends! She settles right in to the gathering and we interact as equal parts of a group for a while. The party starts to break up, and we both get in my car to take a friend of mine home. She sits in the back and says little until we drop him off and she's in the front with me. On the way back to her car we talk about our childhoods, difficulty 'fitting in', and love of people despite their faults. She places her hand on my thigh when I reassure her she is beautiful, fuck what people may think.
We arrive back at the party house, now dark and quiet. She gets out of the car and I follow, making some lame joke about walking her those dangerous 15 feet to her door. She seems reluctant to leave right away so we talk, smoke a cigarette, talk. I find it very easy to laugh with Natalie, to be ridiculous and say whatever may come to mind... It feels so much like falling, this care-free converse with this gorgeous Colombian girl.
Finally, after smoking one more bowl in my car, she tells me that she should let me go. It's almost 2 am. She calls me 'mama' in that adorable Latin accent. I again walk her to her car. We saunter, sidebyside, to her door. She opens the door. She turns wide, dark eyes toward me, and seems to dare me with them. Daring me to touch her cheek, to close the small distance between us with a step, to brush my lips against hers... I smile at her and she caves just a little, closing the distance herself. I put my arms around her shoulders, around her hips. I fight the urge to pull her into me, instead forcing all of the fervor being so close to her made me feel into my lips as I pressed them solidly against hers. I feel her inhale deeply, feel the tip of her tongue probing gently against my lips. I part them slowly and deepen our kiss, thrilling as Natalie's body stiffens slightly in my embrace...
And then, as suddenly as she had overtaken me--mind, body, and soul--her lips left mine and her hips slowly edged away from my own. I looked again into those dark, soulfull eyes and supressed a whimper at the realization that it was time to bid adiou. I smiled, and as she blushed and turned her face away I kissed her cheek and promised I would see her soon.
She got in her car and pulled away as I composed myself for my own drive home.
She may just be the death of me...
But! I can think of no sweeter end!
